Saturday, June 20, 2009
List of what i have left to do:revise, econs essay part(b), revise, abt 40 maths qn's, chem tutorial, revise, bio mindmap, revise, GP compre, revise ETC.
life's been treating me okay? I'm not sure but i really wanna establish a close relationship with Him cuz i noe i'll realli need it when i'm gonna fall apart next term again... thank God, realli, for the frenz i have and their unwavering faith in me. I LOVE U GUYS... i realli do;D
i gtg eat lunch at Ajisen now... will continue, if ever, i hav the time...
Saturday, January 10, 2009
I'm so tired "eyes that fall ever-so-often"And everything is gonna begin again... And so the cycle rotates...
No, i'm not ready. Like i never was...
So i paid with tears and more of what's dear of me... But i neglect the rest...
The rest that have the courage to pay so much more " i can't afford to lose my sanity"
When despair engulfs me... i just... i just...
yes, i wallow... and the mind wanders to boundaries of doubt and worry.
and yes, once again tears don't defy gravity...
But do cast your anxieties onto Him, For He cares...
procrastination, lack of discipline...
what i possess and will, Ultimately, lead me to failure.
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
2,0,0,9... new resolutions. what's your's???i betcha last year's resolutions weren't even fufilled...
2009 spells... so why bother making new ones???
Worry,
Anxiety, "because tears NEVER defy gravity."
Stress,
Friendship, "...family that you choose"
New Found Experiences.
2,0,0,8 i fell... It was air... for a while...
But i fell on new nets that caught me.
these nets are smaller then those that i already had but couldn't cast.
These new nets...
drink starbucks... are growing... sponge my tears... speak like me...
And yes, I'm thankful, Lord...
for the nets (existing and growing) you weave and bless me with.
for the LAST net weaved with blood "family"
I'm gonna change the way i blog too... yea.. it starts now...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
what's been going on??? lot'sa stuff, but i dun realli noe the meaning why. everyday passes as fast as a flame goes off. i dunno if i've been touch with my life... i've sacrificed so many things with my decision. time is now worth of a million and wat's worse, i noe i've been fadin from my frenz. i dun realli have lot'sa frenz in JC. at least we're nt close yet and sometimes, i feel lyk things will neva be the same. i can't find the same frenz anymore cuz they're one in a million. i realli needed to spend this 5 mins to juz blurt it all out... the meaning of life keeps slipping from my mind. what keep me going? many thanx to my family and God. but things are still dull now and then. i see more books then i do of ppl... my time and life is now planned to every minute since i realised the essence of time. no, i cannot afford to lose time. no, i cannot afford to lose my frenz. i cannot afford to lose me... the price for the future maybe the present and i'm not willing to give it up. and yes, i noe i can't have the best of both world's but i hope tryin is enough for wat its worth.
Monday, September 17, 2007
today, we got results back. i got b4 for bio, b3 for science but i failed emaths and amaths. amaths is lyk a F9 and a D7 for emaths... i'm an idiot. i dunno wat else to do. i realli didn't wanna fail emaths. i practiced! pink booklet, TYS papers... i went for ms. nathan's amaths lesson and maths tuition... it neva seems enuf. this time, ms. nathan's gonna cm up wif smth else to tell my mum. maybe its simply i'm stupid or i'm nt listening or i'm not understanding her... then my family will reprimand me, my uncles and aunts will tell me to work harder. i've never been good. and its neva enuf. i dun go out often, i dun use the computer everyday, i don't watch TV everyday. the problem is still me. my dad's gonna say i'm gonna fry chao kway teow for a living. after all the effort, i'm shit. shit.why is it tat they hav to play Jenny's video tat day??? why is it tat i feel smth's chokin my neck and i can't breathe??? why is it crying has become so effortless??? suddenly, i can go wifout lunch. this abilities are good for me... the help me overcome my stupidity. i dunno how i'm gonna survive... everyone else is better. everyone else do less. everyone else is smarter.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Carefully, she lays the baby in the cot. blue eyed and drooling, he lifts his hand towards the looming figure above his safe haven. then, the familiar shadow disppears and the wooden door closes shut. he turns his head and wonders about his next feeding of milk. with this, he eyelids lowers and sucking his thumb, he drifts to sleep.she walks to the kitchen and stares blankly. swiftly, she picks up the metal and heads for the bathroom. with a twist of her neck, she glimpsed at the clock. the minute hand has long been broken, but what's the difference if hours and minutes don't matter to you, she wondered.
with soft steps, she crept up the stairs, her mind whirling and numb. the bathroom door creaked at the lightest push and she entered. a push and a pull, her night gown flowed to the floor tiles. barely making a sound, her feet stepped into the cool tub, grime growing along its edges.
fingers grasping the cold handle and with a movement on her arm, her breath caught. brown eyed and smiling, she gazed up above. dust on the tiles swam in the thick, warm rippling pool forming as the crimson red blood fell from its broken vessels.
her fingers losen and the metal blade glint brightly at an angle. she drifts towards a blinding light.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
todae is National Day eve... also one of the most boring days ever. well, i quarreled wif my Dad cuz i wanted to go out. my mum said "i don't think so" since prelims's rnd the corner. no doubt, i got a bit sad and pissed. i realli wanted to spend time wif my frenz... i've missed them. then my room was also messed up by my Dad; books cluttered on the floor, paper crumpled. tat onli aggravated my anger. boohoo for me.so here i was listening to loud music, partly to vent my anger wifout hurtin anyone and before i punch a hole in the wall. after a while, i was better. unfortunately, i'm trouble's favourite buddy. my mum called, i didn't hear, dad called me out...u guessed it rite, i got a scolding. something lyk i shld noe my priorities and tat my mum said tat at her time, ppl started muggin for exams a month ago. oh, and i'm no longer able to go out.
Dad: you noe yr results are 'you-noe...' sigh... i mean, u see yr results... sigh...
Me: daddy, can u juz stop sayin 'you-noe...'? just say 'yr results suck' cuz i noe they are.
then guess wat??? in the end, he didn't wan me to be pissed for nt going out and end up 'daydreaming' while studyin. so he'd rather let me go out. seriously, after wat happened, u expect me to hav the mood?! and its nt lyk he's so forgiving. "oh dad, yeah! thanks for lettin me go! i'll study REALLY hard!" <<<< tat will never happen. NEVER. i'm no longer naive.
DON'T ACCUSE SOMEONE THEN TRY TO FORGIVE HIM TO TAKE AWAT THE GUILT. you're no saint, neither am i, so i dun act lyk one. i confess i hav my flaws, unlike you.
