Monday, September 17, 2007
today, we got results back. i got b4 for bio, b3 for science but i failed emaths and amaths. amaths is lyk a F9 and a D7 for emaths... i'm an idiot. i dunno wat else to do. i realli didn't wanna fail emaths. i practiced! pink booklet, TYS papers... i went for ms. nathan's amaths lesson and maths tuition... it neva seems enuf. this time, ms. nathan's gonna cm up wif smth else to tell my mum. maybe its simply i'm stupid or i'm nt listening or i'm not understanding her... then my family will reprimand me, my uncles and aunts will tell me to work harder. i've never been good. and its neva enuf. i dun go out often, i dun use the computer everyday, i don't watch TV everyday. the problem is still me. my dad's gonna say i'm gonna fry chao kway teow for a living. after all the effort, i'm shit. shit.why is it tat they hav to play Jenny's video tat day??? why is it tat i feel smth's chokin my neck and i can't breathe??? why is it crying has become so effortless??? suddenly, i can go wifout lunch. this abilities are good for me... the help me overcome my stupidity. i dunno how i'm gonna survive... everyone else is better. everyone else do less. everyone else is smarter.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Carefully, she lays the baby in the cot. blue eyed and drooling, he lifts his hand towards the looming figure above his safe haven. then, the familiar shadow disppears and the wooden door closes shut. he turns his head and wonders about his next feeding of milk. with this, he eyelids lowers and sucking his thumb, he drifts to sleep.she walks to the kitchen and stares blankly. swiftly, she picks up the metal and heads for the bathroom. with a twist of her neck, she glimpsed at the clock. the minute hand has long been broken, but what's the difference if hours and minutes don't matter to you, she wondered.
with soft steps, she crept up the stairs, her mind whirling and numb. the bathroom door creaked at the lightest push and she entered. a push and a pull, her night gown flowed to the floor tiles. barely making a sound, her feet stepped into the cool tub, grime growing along its edges.
fingers grasping the cold handle and with a movement on her arm, her breath caught. brown eyed and smiling, she gazed up above. dust on the tiles swam in the thick, warm rippling pool forming as the crimson red blood fell from its broken vessels.
her fingers losen and the metal blade glint brightly at an angle. she drifts towards a blinding light.
